I spent all day Monday in Twitter jail.
I’ve been there before because I once called actress Felicia Day a “saucy wench.’ I really like her, so it was basically a compliment. I looked it up and that term is old English for a “spirited woman.’ I have a lot of spirited women in my life, and I’m even married to one, so I didn’t think it was that big of a deal to refer to Ms. Day as such, but I guess it was.
Below you can see Felicia Day in a delightfully corny music video she produced for a web series called “The Guild” over ten years ago, which in Internet years is like, a hundred. If you watch the video you will see she is a very spirited woman, as are all the women in the video with her.
In the screen-cap that shows before you start the video, you can see that she’s getting slapped by a broadsword wielded by a spirited guy, actor Jeff Lewis. It’s all very make-believe medieval and… SAUCY. RAWR!!!
So far, we’ve established that all of the men and women in the video are ‘spirited,’ as am I and my other half, Dorian, and probably you. You’re welcome, because yeah, it’s a total compliment.
On Monday I didn’t actually go to Twitter Jail for calling Felicia Day a ‘saucy wench,’ aka ‘spirited woman.’ No, that was last year. On Monday I went to Twitter Jail for telling everyone I had gone to Twitter jail.
This is the warrant Twitter issued for my arrest…
I get it, I think, because a person has to be careful, and I had to ask myself, “If you were at work, DAVE, would you call your boss a “saucy wench?” And the answer I told me was, honestly, a big no. I just don’t think John would care for that at all, and I’d probably be sent home for the day.
So I feel compelled to offer a big apology to actress Felicia Day for the tweet that she never saw, in which I called her a ‘saucy wench.’ She won’t see this apology either, because it’s all just algorithms. It’s not like she reported me or anything. She wouldn’t do that because she’s really nice.
Nice and SAUCY.
Twitter has these filters in place to catch saucy language, like, ‘saucy wench,’ and once you use one of the phrases, terms, words or whatever that get caught in the filters, it kicks it over to the robot and that’s who issues the arrest warrant, shuts your Twitter off for a while, and turns a deaf ear to your anguished screams.
I just got out of Twitter Jail about an hour ago as of this writing, so I’m standing outside at the front gate right now wearing the suit of clothes they gave me as I clutch the thirty dollars cash that came with it and wait for a ride to a seedy motel.
Once there, I’m going to fire up my beat-up ol’ laptop and go through THE GUILD from beginning to end, because it’s really silly and will chase those blues away in no time.
Here’s another silly promo for it…
Leave YOUR TWITTER link in the comments below so everyone can find and follow you, along with your saucy comments.
And FINALLY, Felicia’s NEW BOOK! …which is REALLY AWESOME!